Home to me has always been my parent’s flat in Vashi, New Bombay. I spent a large part of my life living in that apartment. I had a room to myself, my own desk, my bed, my music system, my audio cassettes that I bought spending all of my monthly allowance, my posters, my books, my PC, my adult stash which I hoped were hidden from the others at home, but which everyone else at my place knew where they were located. My memories. Home was sitting in the balcony in the afternoon on Sundays watching traffic and people go by, watching TV while reading a newspaper and eating dinner all at the same time, quarreling with my sister and my parents in my years of teenage angst, and being consoled and cared for through all the good times and bad. Home was where I spent long hours with my friends. Home is the address that’s on my passport. Home was all that and so much more.
Not anymore though. My parents just moved to another city - Hyderabad. They’ve also passed on the flat in New Bombay (for a sum) to another family. It’s sad that I won’t be returning to that home ever again. It will be a new city. A new apartment. (Same parents though, of course.) Still, I refuse to believe that it’s as simple as that. That my hometown is not Bombay anymore just because my parents moved out. Bombay is still my birthplace. My memories live and thrive in Bombay. That somehow feels truer, than the physical reality that my parents no longer live there anymore.
My parents managed the move quite well without their thankless son being around to help out. The toughest part of the move for them, however, was not the packing and the loading. The toughest part was saying goodbye to neighbors, friends and extended family members who were part of our daily lives. For all sides concerned, life as we knew it had changed in some way. That we’ll tide over these changes as is in our nature is a given. But the change will remain, and it will hurt.
Here’s to our home that served us well for so long: May you long continue to bestow your nurturing shelter on your new occupants. And may they also look upon you with love and longing when it’s their turn to say goodbye.
9 comments:
Golly, I know what you mean. I've lived in so many places in Bombay that I have completely lost track of the feeling of home. When I sit here and think of home, I know not which apartment, um, flat to picture. But at least its always Bombay. I cant imagine what it must be like for you to lose Bombay. Sorry.
- Aparna
You mentioned this at the adda and I never realized how much it must have bothered you. My dad was in a transferable job and that had us move every 4 to 5 years, still every move was painful and sad. I cant even imagine how it must feel to move after a lifetime. I am sorry, but I hope your parents enjoy their new home as much as they enjoyed Bombay and I am sure they are happy after being beckoned by their roots.
Actually I don't understand this. Explain to me the emotions involved. Daughter moves to states with hubby. Has a nice life with a good home and all attention taken up by a loveable imp. Son moves to US to study, is almost ready to become a PhD, is happily married - and is not going to come back in some time - not if he wants to get back some of the money and time he has invested there. Poor parents are bored and lonely, father feels the call of his native land, here they have to climb up countless stairs for even the smallest chore, the building is old, maintenance is getting costlier by the year. And then they move. I say great - about time. Why continue stinking in New Bombay in the name of some arbit emotions!!! Sarat what you like were the simple pleasures that material things (like the house and your collections and your room) gave you. You are unneccessarily getting all misty-eyed. What right do you have getting misty-eyed over a felling that has more to do with your childhood crutches and teenage angst than with any reality. If you were actually back there working for your daily bread you will realise that that the cosy house you visualise has been non-existent for years. For heaven's sake the Vashi you dream about has disappeared ages ago.
sorry about that but it irks me to see smart folk like you and Aparna crying over "lost days" and romanticising a city and time that is no more!!!
Face the fact that we urban kids have no roots. For us the home is truly where the heart is - it is upto us to control our hearts!!!
Aparna - yes, home is always going to be Bombay for me. Luckily, my wife's parents as well as my friends' parents are still in Bombay. Those places are also like home to me.
Meeta, you're right about each move being painful. Especially if you've got to know so many people and have so many memories of each place. We're always going to carry a part of it with us wherever we go.
Brij, I am surprised that you think that my attachment has got more to do with the tangibles that I crudely mentioned, than the intangibles that I can't really express. I am also surprised you think, based on what I wrote, that I think about their move to Hyderabad as the wrong thing to happen. My attachments are independent of whether it was the right move (which we all believe it was anyways), or that they shouldn't have. Regardless, the post was not to discuss the merits-demierits of the move anyway.
And as far as attachments go, why deny or shut down what is obviously a valid sensation? Accepting change does not necessarily mean shutting down an old feeling for something new. Both feelings can co-exist, even conflict. And its entirely "normal". It's not simply what you feel, but how you deal with it that matters.
As far as being nostalgic of stinking Bombay or New Bombay, permit us "Non-Reliable Indians" the indulgence of that one trait that is our trademark characteristic i.e. nostalgia. ;) However, I can tell you that for several of us, it doesn't hinder us in any way from accepting a new place or a new life, and from plunging into it head-on.
Brij, Your comment was really strong. You really think that Sarat would've discouraged his parents to move just so he could hang on to his material things in Vashi? Hehe.
Just coz we're emotionally attached doesnt mean we stop things from changing for the better.
When I go back to MGM and see everyone thronging to the McDonalds I will surely remember the wonderful samosa pavs we had in an over crowded canteen, but is that a bad thing? Aint we allowed to have our memories?
I wont miss the samosa pav itself. I will remember the wonderful simple times we shared over it.
We're not exactly crying over lost days.. Days may be lost, Vashi may have changed, but the time we spent there did not disappear, no? And we're not letting it hinder our movement forward. We are moving on, not sitting about lamenting that things have changed, life's unbearable.
- Aparna
I agree with Sarat and Aparna - the feeling matter. Heck you must remember Brij, we used to go to Sagar Vihar not for the place but to hang out and have a good talk ... unfortunately after all the chicks would have gone to bed ;).
But yes its the memories ... I'm sure you would feel that every time you walk down Chembur - I did! And nostalgia is not necessarily feeling sad - personally I feel good :)
-Venky.
Aaaahhh Chembur...!
Don't even get me started on Chembur Venky. :) That's a well of nostalgia ready to overflow.
You know what? I wonder if I could e-stalk and find out where my old crushes from Chembur are at right now. Oh wait! I already did that!
:)
Sarat you bastard! ... with all your crushes! ... heh!
don't worry friends - i know i came a bit too strong. Just one of those days. Aparna, Venks and Sarat it isn't that I deny your feelings or do not understand them It is just we seem to be saying a lot of "those good old days' while we have yet to live 75% Of our lives. BTW I do seem to have lost my enotional chords. I really do not feel very emotional about places, only about people and they are still there around me and in touch with me. maybe I am just lucky. What ever be the case you have to agree I got a lot of responses onto your blog;)
P.S: No, Aparna I do not think that sarat wanted to oppse his parent's move or anything like that. But hey if I cannot be inflammatory on Sarat's blog where else can I be:D Wait! don't answer that:)
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