Safe

One thing about being in school for so long means that you get used to a different kind of reality. You don't really have to watch what you say unless you're facing a committee of professors. You don't have to look and behave like a normal nine-to-fiver, unless, once again you're facing the said committee. People argue aggressively, vociferously with another and yet there's usually no ill feeling at the end of it all. Abusive language is a necessary part of making a strong case to back up your arguments and views. Basically, it's a different world where a lot of the norms that exists in the life outside of the sphere (or any other volume) of influence of a university aren't exactly adhered to. And that's putting it politely. In most circles, some of which I have been involved with and have been an active participant of, those "outside world" norms are downright derided.

But at some point, you have to leave your safe environs and step outside. Leave your cheap apartment where your roommates and neighbors consisted of other poor students, graduate or undergraduate and move to better areas so you can be closer to work. At some point, think about getting rid of your cheap car - the one you love, loathe, respect, abuse and fear in equal parts. Stop wearing crumpled T shirts, and smelly, old worn-out pairs of jeans. Stop ogling at people thinking that you're complimenting them by doing so. And most importantly - watching what you say real hard. You will have to do all of this when you leave those safe university environs and start living in what's called the real world.

It's like when you leave the theatre after a movie or a play that you really enjoyed watching, and found yourself immersed in. Once you open the wide exit doors to step out on to the street you're suddenly brought back to reality, rather rudely sometimes, with the sounds of dozens of cars and the jarring music blaring from them, people milling around in front of the ticket window talking, shouting, cell phone ringers going off. It's a "Welcome back to reality, bitch!" experience.

The longer you are in the theatre, the longer it takes for the effect of the alternate, make believe world you just escaped to, to wear off and for you to come back to reality. School's like that.

When you step in to the real world outside, you've got to start looking, dressing, acting and moving like you belong to it so that other real-worlders can accept you, and not be scared of you, and maybe even like you - although that last part is perhaps stretching it a little. And why all this is important, is because the real world is where the money is - and to make it in there you've got to make the adjustments. And sometimes it takes really long for the adjustment to be made. It's not that school doesn't equip you with the tools to adjust. It's just that the adjustment is a drastic one sometimes. Some look forward to it. Some don't. Most though are unprepared - no matter how they've prepared themselves.

I find myself at that curious transition state of having left that shade of the large tree I was living under and making my way into what's waiting for me on the outside. All that I've studied in school doesn't prepare me though for the complex terminologies spoken in outside circles, like the APRs, 401K's, etc. I pretend I know what they mean. I even understand what they speak of in those circles sometimes. But mostly I just end up realizing that I'm hopelessly out of my depth. And all I end up doing is pissing people off with my posturing that I don't care about what I don't understand, while what I'm really trying to do is get a handle on the fact that I don't know jack really.

Yup. I am hopelessly lost. Now, just where did I put my drink down.